Boogie

Slightly edited from a 2021 blog post.

October 20th, 2020: I said goodbye to my dog Boogie. I had adopted Boogie from Boston Buddies Rescue on Dec 11th, 2007 - roughly the same time I started working as a self-employed artist and setting up my Doggie Drawings business. I have written and spoken much about how this little dog changed my life and career and I won't repeat it all here.

Boogie was almost 16 years old when he took his last breath in my arms, after having been been by my side for 13 years. We were in the middle of a lockdown during the pandemic, so a euthanasia vet came to my apartment and we said goodbye "outdoors" on the porch area right outside my front door.

I was with Boogie 24/7 almost every day in the past two years before the pandemic started. He had become more than 80% blind and had developed separation anxiety. So you can imagine, when he died, how hard it was for me to live without him in what felt like a lifeless, silent home, after two years of co-dependency. I had never experienced so much pain. 

I know that to many people, Boogie was an “icon”, a "celebrity” of dog body language education, and a popular Boston terrier design on a big range of gift products. You know him through my art. To some, he may be “just a dog” that can be replaced by another dog. My friends who have lost their heart dogs have already adopted new dogs. Not me. Not yet.

To me, Boogie was a “little person” who was my best friend and longest significant relationship. (I had known him for longer than my husband) Boogie brought me equal amounts of trouble and joy, but ultimately, deep smiles, inspiration, warmth, support, and confidence in myself as a human being. He also gave my life structure and routine - all of which was gone when he died. If you have ever loved a dog this much, and given so much of yourself to taking care of a senior dog whom you then had to euthanize, you probably understand how painful and disorientating this loss feels.

For the two years after Boogie's death, working on dog-related art (which I had to do anyway because it's my career and how I pay the bills) was excruciating. I could not bring myself to read any books about dogs or see media that celebrated the human-dog bond. I took a step back from facebook and instagram because there were so many dog posts. 

People say that dogs give us unconditional love - this is why we grieve them so much. This is not why I miss Boogie. I miss him because he was totally “conditional”. Boogie had opinions and preferences. He knew what he liked and disliked and he communicated to me very clearly and honestly. Even when I had no idea what he wanted and made mistakes, he adapted to my stupidity. Boogie chose ME to be his person, putting up with me for stuff he did not put up with when it came to other people. This was his unique love, and I miss him for all of it.

Grief does not end. It takes time to adjust to a new normal, but grief doesn't just go away. Boogie still appears in my dreams. Sometimes in my dreams, he is old and sick, other times he has the energy of a "serious puppy", like when I first adopted him. 

Boogie will always be around in spirit and loved forever. 

Read: https://theconversation.com/why-losing-a-dog-can-be-harder-than-losing-a-relative-or-friend-68207

- Lili